Here, Watch This Trailer for “Dorian Gray” So You Can Pretend That You’ve Read It

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Public domain, baby! The great thing about it is that you don’t have to give any money to the 100-years-dead author you’re adapting the work of. The problem is that everything in the public domain is old, and we all know that “period piece” doubles the budget.

Dorian Gray (no “The Picture of,” they’re doing this like Kong or Hulk) will be made into a film for the FIFTH time. This will be Dorian’s sixth appearance in a major adaptation if you count League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. And just like that movie, this will lose money. Sorry, but I know I’m right. Did you even know there were two recent attempts to wrest a buck out of this thing? One in 2004 starring Josh Duhamel, and one in 2006 with the blond kid from Seventh Heaven. I guess the market for an allegory about secret homosexuality has really shrunk since Oscar’s time, when sodomy was a felony. We have Queer as Folk now. (So I guess it’s not all progress.)

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