Jessica Simpson has lost her precious Maltese Poodle, “Daisy” and is fliering “LOST DOG!” posters all over town.
There’s only one problem. The bubble-headed blonde last saw Daisy in the grips of a coyote. While this story is actually really sad, let me take out my crystal ball and predict that it doesn’t end well. In fact, Jessica seems to be fronting a large case of the human/animal denials. (I know. I watch ‘Intervention” and “Hoarders,” thank you.)
I know that the pain of losing an animal can be exactly like losing a real person, but if I saw my pet being roughhoused away from me in the molars of a wild coyote, I wouldn’t be reaching for a sharpie. I’d be calling the caterer for a garden ceremony, and practising my best outdoor performance of “Ben.”
But Jessica has nothing, if not hope. Ah, the audacity of hope. Miss Simpson took to her Twitter account to post the following message:
“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!“
What are you doing still reading this? Start combing the streets with a flashlight! Maybe that coyote dropped Daisy off on Sunset en route to another appointment. Start the search!
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The dog’s color is caramel, not carmel. Mt Carmel is in Israel, Carmel is in Cali. And to think I don’t have a job……