Remember When Kevin Smith Said He Was Done Talking About Being a Whale? Did You Actually Believe That?

Mallrats auteur Kevin Smith is back to yapping again, this time to MTV. Balloon Boy’s new gripe is not only with Southwest, but the media at large:

“The [fat story] is the sexy story that everybody wants to write … I was so mad at the press because for 15 years I’ve done nothing but tell you the truth and give you interesting sh– to write about. And this one time, when you could have come to my aid, all you did was let me dangle and let these f—ers call me fat. Heartbreaking, heartbreaking.”

Kevin! Good God, people let you dangle because you make awful movies! (Also, no one has the necessary arm strength to pull you back up.) The country, barring a few other fat Jerseyites who look to you as hope that some day, they too will have sex, reveled in this story because your crimes against movie theater audiences are on par with Chechen terrorists. Notice how Roman Polanski raped a girl and still has Hollywood divided about whether he should be punished for it? You could go to jail for jaywalking.