“Paula Abdul is half Jewish, half Palestinian. We should send her to the Middle East. And hopefully…that will be the end of her.” –BJ Novak
I’m actually considering watching American Idol again now that Paula will spend that time in a Xanax fugue on the couch in her living room instead of trying my patience while trying to wrap her mouth around difficult phrases like “good job” on live television. I mean, good God. I like the show just fine, I love Kelly Clarkson, Simon deserves every penny, Ryan Seacrest is inoffensive, Randy Jackson was in Journey, yo, yo, yo, but how the hell was Paula not canned halfway through season one?! I can sit down, do drugs, and add nothing to the search for American’s next superstar. In fact, I’ve been doing it for seven seasons. Where’s my $3 million a year?
Katy Perry and Posh Spice have been announced as guest judges for next season. Katy Perry’s music is utterly horrid (my inner Simon is coming out) but even if she has a tranquilizer addiction, it couldn’t possibly be as advanced as Paula’s because Paula has been alive twice as long. Posh Spice once told Jon Stewart to his face that he wasn’t funny. She was wrong, but I like her moxie.
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