World Wrestling Entertaintment has become an important marketing tool in addition to a fake sport. Monday Night Raw is now hosted by a new celeb almost every week and some big names have been announced as upcoming hosts, including highlander Bob Barker, Access Hollywood co-host Nancy O’Dell, boxer Floyd Mayweather, and career extortionist Al Sharpton. Guess […]
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Quentin Tarantino Picks His Top 20 Flicks Since He Started Making Them
Here’s my personal Quentin Tarantino policy: the man made Pulp Fiction, so therefore he gets a free pass for life. If he wants to go on American Idol and tell 16-year-olds “I ain’t a fan of yours,” fine. He made Pulp Fiction. He also made Reservoir Dogs. He also made all of his other movies, […]
Ashlee Simpson and Perez Hilton Are Having a Little Twitter-Spat
Perez Hilton, who happens to be pretty accurate in his reporting, claims that Ashlee Simpson got, to use a Perez word, all “aggro” after she drank to the point of belligerence at hubby Pete Wentz‘s birthday bash. It must run in the family – it seems like just three days ago we were writing […]
What the Hell?! Michael Jackson STILL Isn’t Buried
What’s up with every non-Jewish approach to burial? When one of us dies, we can’t get ’em in the ground fast enough. You go straight from Cedars-Sinai to Mt. Sinai. (Is “sinai” Hebrew for “sick Jew”?) And none of this revolting solid-gold sarcophagus nonsense, either. You get a wood box. In Israel, I think you […]
Sci-Fi Showdown at Box Office as District 9 Beats Time Traveler’s Wife
The Peter Jackson-produced aliens-live-among-us action flick District 9 opened at #1 this weekend with a $37 million haul. I want to see it, but I can’t see movies the weekend they open because I can’t sit in a crowded theater surrounded by cretins eating popcorn with their open mouths. And I can never see movies […]
Haha, Buddy Holly, Not Only Are You Dead, But Now Jon Heder’s Going to Be In Your Movie
What’s less funny than someone quoting Napoleon Dynamite? Someone quoting Darfur rape statistics? Someone quoting Mind of Mencia? Simply watching Napoleon Dynamite? By the way, why hasn’t “Napoleon Dynamite” become industry slang for an unfunny indie that blows up at the box office? I’m being unfair. Maybe the movie became super funny after I turned […]
Lady GaGa Felt She Needed to Clarify How Gay Her Schtick Is
Lady GaGa will soon begin a co-headlining tour with Kanye West. While it may seem that the target audience for such a pairing would be people who don’t really like music that much, GaGa has made it abundantly clear to Kanye that her following is super-gay and that she won’t tone it down for Kanye‘s […]
Tony Romo Kicked Jessica to the Curb for Being a Drunk
Why does alcohol produce such a wide range of effects in people? Every other intoxicant is predictable: coke always makes you happy and chatty, speed always makes you wide awake and a better driver, heroin always makes you itchy. No one’s a “sleepy cokehead,” but there are “drowsy drunks,” “happy drunks,” “angry drunks,” and “embarrassing, […]
Your Tax Dollars at Work: Cops Called to Jon and Kate’s Home
Jon Gosselin and Kate Gosselin: they’re like if Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen were spectacularly uncool in addition to being talentless. If I’m going to have to write about these people for the next ten years – and, given their tabloid permanence coupled with my lack of job prospects, that seems likely – someone needs […]
There’s an Arrest Warrant Out for Bobby Brown Right Now in Massachusetts
“If it wasn’t for rap, I’m probably down south / With the coke that give fiends the Bobby Brown mouth” – Fabolous “I’m being tailed by mob of Feds / They say I got the coke responsible for that shit Whitney and Bobby said”- Fabolous Now Fabolous can start crafting rhymes about Bobby Brown‘s lackadaisical […]
